Is anyone out there?

So I don’t know if anyone out there will read this blog, but I feel that I need to write it. I suffer from Anxiety and Panic Attacks. I have since I was 8 years old and feel that now, in my mid-thirties, I need to connect with others out there in this world who suffer from this – what I call – affliction as well.

So, are you out there? Is anyone listening? Or I should ask, reading?

Do you dread getting on the bus? Going into large stores? Have you had to run out clutching your bag, purse, wallet, purchase like a wild animal escaping its cage? Would you fight savagely anyone who tried to stop or push you? I know I’ve felt this way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very normal. I’m a professional who works in the public service and had some high profile jobs thus far. But really; I suffer from what my doctor says most professional women my age suffer from – Anxiety.

My last panic attack was on the bus two days ago. I got on feeling fine – perfect in fact. I was on my way home from work. I felt pretty good. I got on the bus and started to feel odd. My skin started to tingle. I got a lump in my throat. I began to sweat. I could feel my skin blanche. I start to shake uncontrollably. The nice little Chinese lady sitting beside me asked as we neared every stop, “You get off? You get off?” I had to shake my head or whisper ‘no’ about 10 times. I thought I was going to die.

So what is it? What triggered this attack? Really? I couldn’t tell you. It came out of the blue. I’m tired of feeling tired of feeling tired of feeling like this.

Does anyone else feel this way? Do you feel like you’re fighting your way out of a wet paper bag and the bag is winning?