Two years ago when my anxiety started up again (I’m a long time sufferer – a "lifer" if you will), I cut caffeine out of my diet. It was hard. I was ready to start a "Coffees Anonymous" support group. You have to understand I LOVE coffee. The smell, the taste, the oh so warm goodness as you hold the mug in your hands letting the vapours fill your nostrils. It like spooning in a mug. Oh yeah….
Well, think of having to give that up because it was affecting you in a negative way. So hard! I think I actually cried a few times when I first gave it up. Coffee truly is an addiction. I cannot describe it any other way. Tea just wasn’t cutting it for me. Don’t get me wrong, I really like tea as well. There’s nothing like a good cup of Earl Grey with a lemon wedge and honey. There’s a time and a place for tea and it includes little sandwiches and baked goods along with some good conversation (or maybe some snitching and bitching). But coffee? It’s like being deprived of what you most want in the universe if you don’t have it. I think now I can accurately understand what addicts go through in order to stay sober.
As I got to feeling better from my anxiety, I would have a cup now and then and make sure I had eaten just so the "jits" wouldn’t come. I did pretty well for awhile and slowly built up my tolerance to having a cup every morning. Funny what we tell ourselves what is ok just to fill a need.
But now that my anxiety is acting up again, and I’m thinking of giving coffee up in order to help control it. Pretty sad really. Especially since it doesn’t affect my husband and he makes it in the morning. Doubly hard when your work mates all go out for coffee at the 10am break and you either tag along and get a decaf or tea and they’re all enjoying their coffees.
If there's anything I've learned these last couple of years it's the paper bag can morph into other shapes. It’s a shape shifter. I’ve got to be vigilant! Be ready for the many disguises it takes in order to trick me into getting into it, and coffee (at least temporarily) is the paper bag in disguise. I’ve just got to manipulate it so that it’s less crafty at disguising itself like the Saint and more like Inspector Clouseau.
