The big, red, shiny panic button

I have a panic button. It's big and red and shiny. It looks like a very yummy piece of candy to my brain's eye. I think that my muscles trick my brain into thinking that this panic button really is a piece of candy. Candy that tastes so good that you'll want for more. In reality, it's a trick. A trick that is played on my brain to tell it to hit that panic button thinking that it's going to recieve something so mouthwatering it doesn't know what it's missing. My back muscles are especially in on the trick. They twitch and turn and ache and it makes my brain hit the red panic button. When it hits the button, it gets nothing. Nothing but a big panic attack that turns me into a deer in the headlights. A cornered cat. A wild bucking pony. I'm willing to do anything to save myself from the fear that I'm experiencing. It makes my brain turn from thinking it's receiving candy into thinking I'm suffering from a heart attack.

Today, I think the paper bag has friends. They're doubling up and making sure they're good and soaked so that it's harder to fight out of the bag. One day bag, the last laugh I have will be on you.

Can you be excited and scared at the same time?

I am extremely excited!! I will be going to Europe in October for the first time ever! I am also dreading the plane ride over. I don't like to fly as you can tell by my previous posting about flying to Las Vegas and home from New Orleans. I don't know how I will handle a nine and a half hour flight.

I started thinking about it the other night before I went to bed. Bad time to think about things. I always get bad anxiety before bed time. So to couple it with feeling scared about flying to Europe was not good.

I tried to calm myself by reading. I also tried to reason with myself that flying is very safe. My husband went last year and said the flight was smoother than the Vegas flight. So what is making me scared? It could be a number of things. Which I am sure all you anxiety sufferers out there know what they are so I will spare my readers 'the list'.

Still, I think that my excitedness has won over the fear. We'll see if that changes any time soon. Onward and upward! Out of this bag!